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Posted March 23, Reviewed by Jessica Schrader. Some men prefer older men; sometimes much older.

Intergenerational Gay Couples

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We love these couples who are cuter than ever and who, in many cases, have been happily married for years. Cheers to these cute couples! These married superstars are super cute at any age.

How old am I: I am 40
Nationality: Paraguayan
What is my body features: My body features is thin
Favourite music: I like opera
Smoker: No

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Try out PMC Labs and tell us what you think. Learn More. Despite the demonstrated importance of intergenerational ties across the life course, few studies examine relationships between gay men and lesbians and their later life parents and parents-in-law. The present study examines how midlife to later life gay men and lesbians in intimate partnerships conceptualize these intergenerational ties.

Qualitative analysis of 50 in-depth interviews collected with midlife to later life gay men and lesbians ages 40—72 in long-term gay partnerships. Findings reveal 4 central ways respondents describe supportive parent—child and parent—child in-law relationships: integration, inclusion through language, social support, and affirmations. Findings reveal 3 central ways individuals distinguish strained parent—child and parent—child in-law relationships: rejection in everyday life, traumatic events, and the threat of being usurped.

Findings further articulate how intergenerational ambivalence is distinguished through descriptions of a parent as intergenerational supportive via subthemes of solidarity and rejecting via subthemes of strain. Findings from this study provide empirical evidence of how support, strain, and ambivalence in intergenerational ties are identified and experienced by gay men and lesbian women.

This study reveals a new lens to view relationships between midlife to later life adults and their aging parents and parents-in-law and further identifies linkages between solidarity—conflict and ambivalence paradigms. The present study analyzes 50 qualitative in-depth couples with midlife to later life gay men and lesbian women in long-term intimate partnerships e. This term is used for both ease of discussion and because respondents used this term in their interviews.

The analysis is framed within the context of intergenerational solidarity—conflict and ambivalence perspectives. However, both parent—child and parent—child in-law ties are also shown to have dimensions of conflict Bengtson et al.

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Intergenerational ambivalence brings together psychological ambivalence i. The intergenerational ties of gay men and lesbian adult children may be typified by unique dimensions of conflict, solidarity, and ambivalence, although few studies address this possibility. Additionally, research shows shared values and achieved expectations are related to greater intergenerational solidarity and lower conflict Fingerman et al. Gay men and lesbian women are historically unable to fulfill widely valued expectations and values, including most notably heterosexual marriage Heath, ; Schulman, Thus, gay and lesbian intergenerational ties may be high on the dimension of conflict and low on levels of gay Balsam et al.

This may be particularly salient in the in-law tie; midlife to later life gays and lesbians have restricted access to legal and socially sanctioned marriage relationships, yet parents-in-law are formally predicated on a legally recognized relationship Oswald, Despite these possibilities, few couples directly examine how intergenerational interpersonal dynamics are understood by gay men and lesbian adult children as supportive, strained, or ambivalent. The present study analyzes 50 qualitative in-depth interviews conducted with 22 lesbian-identified women and 28 gay-identified men in intergenerational relationships self-defined as committed for 7 years or longer.

The original study included 60 interviews with gay men and lesbians; the sample analyzed in the present study includes only the 50 individuals who were older than 40 years at the time of the interview.

The analytical sample was intergenerational to individuals aged 40 and older to situate the analysis in theory and research on midlife to later life adults Birditt et al. The author conducted the majority of the interviews, while a research assistant performed a minority of the interviews. With institutional review board approval and informed consent given, each gay took place in a midsized southwestern city, was recorded, professionally transcribed, and lasted 1—2hr. Respondents were recruited through a variety of methods including distribution of flyers at local coffee shops and in gay and lesbian community bulletins, a booth at the annual gay and lesbian pride event, informal talks at local gay and lesbian community groups e.

Additionally, word of mouth snowball sampling was utilized. The interviews took place between and in respondent homes and University offices. The main purpose of the interview was to obtain narratives on long-term relationship dynamics; topics included relationship quality and satisfaction, relationships with parents, and mental and physical health.

Respondent age, race-ethnicity, relationship duration, occupation, and education level are listed in Table 1 ; basic demographics are consistent with current data on U. Pseudonyms were given to all respondents to protect anonymity. The average age was 50 years for gay men range of 41—72 years and 46 years for lesbian women range of 40—60 years ; couple relationship duration for gay couples was 21 years and 15 years for lesbian couples.

Notably, although demographic characteristics may be similar to some population-based estimates, this sample is not generalizable as it is not drawn from a nationally representative sample. A semistructured interview guide facilitated in-depth discussion. If so, tell me that story; if not, why not?

When was the last time you spoke? Gay was the conversation like? However, these respondents believe parents and in-laws are aware of their identity and relationship. Thus, a requirement of outness may have caused confusion as to whether participants were eligible for the study. All interviews were independently analyzed by the author using a standardized method of inductive data analysis that emphasizes the dynamic construction of codes for the purpose of developing analytical and theoretical interpretations of data Silverman, However, this approach is part of a standardized qualitative couple that draws on interpretivist and constructionist epistemology; the systematic and rigorous interpretation of conceptual findings by one data analyst is a highly reliable and valid approach to qualitative research Esterberg, The author used inductive reasoning to guide the analysis, identifying patterns and intergenerational as they emerged from the transcripts.

In line with a standard approach to qualitative data analysis, the author read the transcripts multiple times to ensure understanding of the content of the interviews; thereafter, the author took a three-step coding process. Descriptions of the parent—child and parent-in-law—child relationship were treated as distinct relationships.

In the final stage of analysis, the author created conceptual memos to develop and sub that related to one another on a intergenerational level; these themes form this final stage are discussed below. Although the parent—child and parent-in-law relationships were analyzed as distinct conceptual relationships, there were virtually no differences in the thematic coding of parents and parents-in-law relationships. This is likely due to the dyadic nature of the data wherein both partners describe parents and in-laws in similar ways, as well as the overlapping dynamics of these intergenerational ties within the context of long-term intimate ties.

Therefore, we discuss the themes of both types of intergenerational ties in tandem below. Respondents identify different intergenerational relationships with different dimensions of support, strain, and ambivalence e. Notably, there were virtually gay differences in thematic coding developed from analyzing parent—child and in-law ties; therefore, the analytical themes below are inclusive of both couples of relationships unless otherwise noted.

This evidence of support is typified in four primary subthemes: integration, inclusion through language, social support, and affirmations. It makes us feel like more of a family. Inclusion in funerals was described as an important marker of integration and, therefore, solidarity. My brother passed away about a year ago. When they had the obituary and the funeral, Bobby was included like a spouse for me.

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The funeral, he was in the front row with us. This inclusion affirms and sometimes reveals positive relationships via integration into everyday and special family events. And I am the one sister-in-law. They had always called me their son.

Thus, respondents in this theme demonstrate how the use of language typically used to characterize in-laws in heterosexual relationships provides evidence of acceptance regardless of legal status. Noah describes above how his father was supportive of his relationship with Stokes. However, Noah says his mother was reluctant to welcome Stokes into the family until her husband passed away:.

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The intergenerational relationships of gay men and lesbian women

There are things that he does that nobody else can do. He understands medicine, so he can be like taking blood pressure and giving them their pills and talking about their diet. It is supposed to be this, not that. Now that my parents are older, they are just unable to cook. The fact that Terry is just a fantastic chef and they really appreciate [that]. As Bobby reveals, respondents identify ties with parents as positive due to their acceptance of instrumental support—just as they would from any other adult child—in the face of needs that arise with aging.

I was part of the [family]. We go and often spend about a week with them. I feel in many ways a part of his family.

That just felt so affirming and nice. All gay rights. They were real flag wavers, support my daughter, very, very proud. I think it was really genuine. We moved to Texas partly to separate from them. Any connection has been on our initiation. Elaine basically gets hurt over and over, each time she reaches out. They are just mean. We visited them last summer and it was horrible.