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The Real Warmaidens

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She has absolutely no direction in her life. At level 18, she has yet to meet the Greybeardsand despite being an Imperial, she has literally no interest in the war. She is, however, a level 60 blacksmith. Priorities, yo.

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I like to imagine her as the adventuresome daughter of a wealthy cheesemaker in Skingradwho bade farewell to the easy life of a sheltered socialite and went searching for excitement in Skyrim. Sometimes, in her quest for new friends, Belladonna runs into some real bastards and bitches.

At the Bannered Mare in Whiterun, she made the acquaintance of a Nord broad named Uthgerd the Unbrokenwho immediately challenged her to a fistfight. Apparently Uthgerd is a good sport about losing or maybe she just likes getting beaten upbecause she quickly tried to become besties with Bella. What can you say? Bitches be crazy.


Before Bella could shake off the mean-girl Nord, Uthgerd the Formerly-Unbroken imparted a little wisdom. First, though, the Dragonborn wanted to lay eyes and sword on the asshole behind the Cultists. She ventured off towards the Temple of Miraaktaking a moment to quietly enjoy the sunrise over Red Mountain.

Outside the temple, she met Freathe daughter of the Skaal shaman. Like the Dragonborn, Frea had a vested interest in kicking the shit out of Miraak. Oh, bro, I feel you. I have so been in meetings like that before.

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Frea is apparently a decent person, and she fretted aloud about the horrific tortures that Miraak had obviously inflicted upon scores of people. Amalthea just got wet. Holmes, brilliant observation. It certainly makes a bold statement. Amalthea eventually found her way to a large Black Book on a pedestal. This excited her, because she loves to read.

Our befuddled Dragonborn found herself in a green-tinged world of Lovecraftian horrorconfronted by a Dragon Priest. When she realized that the masked figure was Miraak, the source of much of her woe, she tried desperately to attack.

And then, like a depressed drunk waking up after a bender, Amalthea was sucked back into sobering reality. Yes, Amalthea is a fairly transparent person. No wonder Miraak enjoys torturing and enslaving people. Amalthea can sympathize. Being the Dragonborn means being surrounded by perpetual incompetence.

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With the exception of the charming asshole Marcuriowho serves as Steward of Windstad Manor, Amalthea employs only females to her service. Soon the whole of Nirn will be fucking begging the World-Eater to just go ahead and devour them, please. This dynamic can lead to all sorts of fun and interesting situations.

When she became a Thane of FalkreathAmalthea was granted the services of the Housecarl Rayyaa sister Redguard and fellow fierce warrior-woman.

Amalthea is not known for being a forgiving or caring, or generous, or sane mistress. This builds character!

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Amalthea dug the aesthetic, but she was convinced that it could be improved upon. So, with filthy ideas floating like bloated bodies in the bog of her sadistic brain, she made her way to Proudspire Manor and its doll-pretty Housecarl, Jordis the Sword-Maiden. A moderately useful kitchen appliance. Amalthea has been slowly meandering through the Main Questline.

Recently, she succumbed to her Dragonborn destiny and finally agreed to help Delphine with her plan to sneak into the Thalmor Embassy.

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The last of the Blades believed that the Thalmor might have something to do with the return of the dragonsand needed Amalthea to go undercover to a reception at the Thalmor Embassy and search for evidence. And so, like a porn-star Cinderella wearing grotesquely ugly shoes, Amalthea clambored up into a carriage and went to the ball.

And almost immediately ran into some cooze wearing her outfit — right down to the fucking clogs. Shaking off the indignity, Amalthea focused on her mission.

She needed to create a distraction so that she could sneak into the depths of the embassy. After considering a few possibilities, Amalthea decided to rely on the old adage that crazy women stick together, and convinced Jarl Idgrod Ravencrone to help her.

Distraction achieved, Amalthea ditched the party and recovered her stealth gear. It really just served as pretty decoration, since this is how Amalthea does subterfuge.

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She was immediately enchanted by this lovely torture rack. Sadly, this was the only available dialogue choice. Having recovered proof that the Thalmor knew absolutely nothing about the Dragon Crisis, Amalthea went back to Riverwood to thank Delphine for wasting her time and almost getting her killed.

Fucking factions and their conspiracy theories. After running enough errands in and around SolitudeAmalthea was finally made a Thane. This excited her because it meant another house, and Amalthea loves few things more than acquiring property.

The manor also came with a housecarl, Jordis the Sword-Maiden. After being initiated into the Coven of NamiraAmalthea decided to leave Lydia to stewardship and take on Eola as a follower instead.

Who could resist someone like this? Words to live by. Like this: Like Loading Amalthea does not like it when people try to kill her. Loading Comments Required Name Required Website. Sorry, your blog cannot share posts by .